Fifteen ways to bend a Selfie

Clearly someone like me who takes selfies does not have any friends: so I resort to posting pictures of myself, taken by me. However, once I had mastered the art of the selfie, the question arose: how do I use this very essential skill to meet new people? The answer: by introducing a foreign object other than myself onto that sacred canvas of me of course! Here, then are fifteen ways to bend a selfie:

1. Belfie: The usual, taking a shelfie in a bikini. The most notorious one being this—it counts as bending the selfie because Kim’s behind obviously has a life of its own, enough to be counted as a separate person.
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2. Elfie: The one you take with the garden gnome.
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3. Selfie with iPad? Naah! Simply does not count.

4. Mumfie: Yep you got it, mums taking selfies of themselves with kids. PS. Pictures of kids alone does not count!

5. Shoefie: Oh! Yeah, baby! My feet go travelling the world, and these boots are made for walking and all that.

6. Barfie: Selfie in front of All-Bar-One; not to be mistake with the Hindi Baarfee, aka that movie which made you barf.

7. Swingfie? That’s easy:

Swingfie

8. Hairfie: Rock that sixties’ hairdo baby and take one against the stars.

9. Hubbifie or Wifie, not to be confused with wifi, sometimes also called a Twofie: Those annoying cute couple pictures—I am guilty of them too—where husband and wife awkwardly balance the phone between them.

10. BFFie: Best friends on a night out, looking at the bubbles through the viewfinder. Is that a pot of gold at the end of the rainbow? Nope, just the flash of the iPhone through the champers.

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BFFIE

11. Ecstafie: Normally taken with mates at a night-out at the club, raving to the electronica; sometimes ingested too, to accentuate the senses. You know what I mean.

12. Selfiesh—yep the one where you take it with a jumper in the background as against the one where you take it with yourself in a jumper.

13. FullFrontalfie: Not what you think, come on, you didn’t! I meant a selfie where you picture your entire outfit to share with BFF, mate, or worst enemy, for opinion generation or envy eliciting purposes.

14. The sharkcage-fie: When you are diving with the sharks in the cage, what do you? Take a selfie with the shark swimming by of course. Or it could also be a selfie with Charles Augustus Milverton!

15. Sherlfie: The one with Sherlock (or with a book bearing his profile)

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Could also mean this:


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Cumberbitchfeast

Bet you know many more ways to bend a selfie – do write in and tell me!

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